Reflections on Losses

I was driving today, listening to the radio. A song came on that stirred up memories that I don't really care to remember much, but often have no choice when they surface. So I got to thinking on all the kinds of losses we suffer in our lifetimes.

There is the loss of innocence when, as a child, you finally realize that Santa and the Easter Bunny are not real. (Really? They're not? Says who!)

There is the loss of virginity, as a teenager, with your first boyfriend. (Now THERE is a unique and once in a lifetime sensation!)

There is the loss of your first love - the heartbreak and angst you feel - that life just can't go on and how will you possibly survive - and two weeks later you are madly in love with someone else.

There is the loss of a job - being fired for not being able to type fast enough - when speed had not been a pre-requisite when you were hired but became an issue - for your employer, at any rate.

There is the loss of contact when you move away from your home town, province, country.... when the frequent visits that had been a regular occurrence in your life became phone calls and letters (and later on, emails, as technology progressed).

There was the mind blowing, heart wrenching devastation of the loss of a love, one who couldn't cope with life and ended his, without telling you how bad things really were.... and along with that is the loss of time, a space of days that are forever blocked from memory because of the pain and hurt that are too much to bear.

There is the loss of trust, when one you marry betrays you... with alcohol, with drugs, with other women.... and tries to demean you into staying.

There is the loss of parents too young, of grandparents quite elderly but still sorely missed, the unbelievable and inconceivable loss of a sister who meant the world to you, who was your sister-friend and confidante.

There are beginnings that become endings as life moves on and people pass through. As you go on, searching for that someone who will be the one... who will be the right match.... only to find one whom you think IS the right match, and you fall head over heels for him, only to lose him because you are not the right match for him.

There is the lost opportunity at a position - at a job you know you would be very good at, simply because others had more chances to gain the necessary experience in that position, with that employer, while your experience was elsewhere and not as relevant to this employer, despite being the exact position as the one you applied for.

There is the feeling that someone is just out of reach, someone who has the potential to be something special to you, if only he hadn't suffered a loss long ago that has coloured his world and made him hesitant. There is a connection, a friendship that you yearn to grow into something more, but realize that pushing it will cost you everything, and add another loss to the string of lifetime losses that already abound.

So patience is a virtue, no matter how difficult it is to not push. To prevent one more loss is worth it, though, because the slowly growing friendship is a base that is solid, that has the makings of a gain that may make waiting worthwhile in the long run.