Saturday, November 8, 2008

PATIENTLY WAITING.....

The end of September saw the introduction of someone new to my life. It is now November, and I am patiently waiting, to know what potential this new person may have.



Our lives have parallelled in a number of ways, at a number of times. We have an understanding, a very good one, of where we have each been, what we have gone through. Not just past experiences in relationships, the parallels also reach into activities and interests.


We are alike in many ways, in personality traits, in beliefs, in needs and desires. I do not know at this time if those likenesses are a good thing. Only time will be able to ascertain that. But it does make him feel like a kindred spirit. Will that create a stronger bond? Or only serve to show that sameness is not the best thing.


He is stretched thin right now.... at a time when changes swirl all around him. He has four children, two of whom are very young and require more attention and patience than the older, adult two. But he loves them all dearly - they are his life in a big way. He also has a difficult ex to deal with, her mental illness issues to circumvent to lessen the effect on the little ones.

Add to this, a fulltime compressed college curriculum entirely sponsored by his employer. He applies himself with great fervor and his marks tell the tale of intelligence, drive and responsibility. For completion of this course will further his career.


Then there is me. There is the attraction I feel for him, the affinity that exists. We have spent enough time together, over the past six weeks, for me to know I want to take this to the next level. I want to see what could happen. I have not felt this for quite some time now, and would savour the opportunity to let someone into my heart.


Only he is taking time, over this weekend, to re-evaluate himself, to see where he needs to go, to try and rejuvenate from the burn-out he is feeling. The candle has been burned at both ends for the past couple of months for him and he is feeling quite singed.

I do not know where he will go with his re-evaluation.... I do not know whether that will preclude any furthering of what has just been started. Will he just need time to get through school, get back to the regular routine of work, kids and a social life? Will he feel the need to pull away, to put this aside and leave me where I stand, helpless to do anything but give him time and space?


There are emotions stirring in me for this man. But what we have experienced together so far has been to simply enjoy each other's company, talk and laugh, hang out a bit. It has been slow, which is probably a good thing, for my tendency is to proceed at the speed of light, with intensity and passion, letting the headrush and heartrush dictate where things go. He is much more cautious, wanting things to happen when he is sure about where he wants it to go, and not wanting to rush. It is important to him to be respectful, to not fly headlong into something he is not entirely sure of.

There is communication, spoken, written, all with openness and honesty, hesitation and uncertainty, all of which are building trust and caring between us. But his uncertainty in this, in how much he has taken on with work and school and kids, and now with the possibility of a new relationship added to the mix, all this creates uncertainty in me.



So I have to bide my time, to wait and see, to be there, where he can see me, but not be intrusive, be understanding and patient... waiting....

20 comments:

  1. I'm prolly the least qualified human on the planet to offer relationship advice, so I'll simply keep my fingers crossed...

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  2. Jonas, I'll take the crossed fingers.... that may be of more use than any advice. I think all I can do at this point is wait for what he has to say.... to see what he chooses to do.

    But thanks....

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  3. Patience, as is said, is a virtue. So, if nothing else, at least you will have been virtuous.

    But here's hoping your patience finds rewards.

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  4. IDV, I can only hope.... thank you.

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  5. Caramba ... wait and see, yes, sometimes there is nothing else to do.

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  6. Well, things happen for a reason. It's a cliche sometimes, but it's also true. Sometimes, if it's meant to be, it will be.

    And maybe things will turn our great; maybe they won't be what you expected. But, at least you'll know that you gave it your best, and you were meant for other things, for other reason.

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  7. Mago: you are right... just wait and see.

    Eros: it will be what it will be. Things do happen for a reason, whatever that may be; it is just the waiting and not knowing that is so difficult.

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  8. I totally feel for you. I'm also the type to rush in at lightning speed, letting my passion for everything in life take over. It's a wonderful feeling and so hard to resist. Patience is indeed a virtue and one I do not possess.

    I hope the two of you end up on the same page and you both get what you want. Wishing you much patience and strength in the meantime.

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  9. Anna, we are very alike in that respect, you and I. It is a heady feeling and an addictive one.

    It, unfortunately, has cost me dearly in the past and I so do not want to repeat the devastation I went through. Hence the patience, which I am not good at, but am desparately trying to be good at.

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  10. Slow is good.
    "Portions of the wick that are not evaporating the liquid fuel are consumed in the flame, limiting the exposed length of the wick and keeping the temperature and rate of fuel consumption even. Some wicks require manual trimming with scissors or a wick trimmer for even burning."

    Slow and steady wins the race..if you don't want this to be a candle in the wind or a flash fire you need to tend to it, patiently.

    SNUFF trans verb;
    to crop the snuff of a candle by pinching or by the use of snuffers so as to brighten the light..
    although to snuff something means something drastic now, grooming the candles made the light brighter.

    'Snuff said.

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  11. Donn, you made me smile.... trimming the wick to make the candle burn brighter.... well, I can only hope that this is the case.

    It is going slow, something I am not accustomed to, but perhaps this will be the ticket to something that will last.

    I have learned a lot from my previous candle in the wind experience. And that I have the support of people I have never met means a lot to me.

    Thank you to all, for your words of encouragement.

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  12. Slow is very good. What's the rush?

    In my experience fast always ends badly. At least in the context of a relationship.

    I can understand why he is taking it slowly. He's got way too much on his plate.

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  13. I know how difficult it is to wait, not knowing...it's nearly unbearable.

    I can't help but think your friend will find a way to fit all the pieces of the puzzle together and realize that having you in his life will not only add joy, but ease his burden as well.

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  14. CP: Yes, slow is good, it just has not been the norm for me in the past so I am not accustomed to this.

    And yes, he does have way too much on his plate, but at least the schooing will be over mid-December so the end is in sight for that.

    Laurie: The waiting has me going stir-crazy. But I am not showing him that as he has to know that I can be patient, let him figure things out with pressure from me.

    Life is always so much easier when you have someone that you care about to share it with - both the highs and the lows. A shoulder to lean on, a heart to love you, warm arms to hug you - makes everything better.

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  15. Damn... missed a word there... that should read 'without pressure' from me. Gawd knows I don't want him to feel pressured or trapped. I certainly wouldn't want that.

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  16. I have a question about the stacked stones in the first pix. Any particular significance?

    Asking because I have seen stacked lava rocks and/or coral in Hawaii. Usually attributed to Native Hawaiians or locals.

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  17. XL: My oldest sister stacked those stones on the shore of Hecla Island on Lake Winnipeg in 2004. She died in 2005 in a car accident. They are significant to me, but only because she is gone, I miss her, and she was one of the kindest, brightest and most intuitive and patient people I ever knew.

    I guess they signify my attempt at patience in this matter.

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  18. I was (or thought I was) in a similar situation a few months ago ... waiting to hear back from a man who wasn't sure what he wanted right now ... who put the brakes on our friendship.

    But I have been guilty of not "letting go" as I didn't give him the time and space he needed ... and by continuing to contact him and by continuing to be slightly too interested in his life and his blog apparently this makes me a stalker ....

    I'm sure you can now add 2 and 2 together, Ponygirl, and work out who I am referring to.

    Yes, I know I am at fault ... I should have backed off and given him MONTHS of time, not just weeks, but perhaps it was never, ever meant to be anyway.

    He did tell me (several times) that due to his complicated situation he was not sure if he was ready for or really looking for a new relationship, or just stringing me along for friendship (until he had made up his mind or something better came along).

    Unfortunately I wasn't listening to the clues that I should have picked up on much earlier in the friendship and done the backing off / cutting the strings myself.

    Men who have lots of existing commitments and baggage (children and previous relationships) are obviously likely to be very nervous of dipping their toes into the dangerous waters marked "relationship" for fear of getting their tootsies burned again.

    Well, a lot of harsh lessons have been learned my end.

    Don't mention this comment to him, Ponygirl, if poss -- he might just blog about his "stalker" again and I so don't want that -- I just wanted to empathise with you.

    Best wishes,
    Shan

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  19. Ponita,

    I hesitate to provide further info because I fear I am about to make a bad situation even worse + embarrass myself even more.

    However you asked for a bit of explanation from me ....

    I am the person one of your other blog buddies recently described as his 'stalker'.

    We did once have a good friendship but he wanted to cool things off + take a break while he made up his mind about whether he really wanted a new relationship or what he wanted.

    Unfortunately I found it very hard to let go + i did a stupid thing .... and then ended up tying myself in knots trying to apologise for the stupid thing.

    He is now very angry and I am heartbroken + devastated at the mess I have made.

    Obviously there is no way to turn back time altho i have often wished there was a rewind button since i did the stupid thing.

    What hurts even more is being able to see online that man now making lots of new flirty friendships on his blog.

    Up until the end of October he had very few links on his blogroll + he didnt comment on other blogs a great deal.

    He always said to me that he didnt mind too much about the lack of readers + comments on his own blog (mine used to have more when i used to have a blog).

    I used to have a blog of my own but deleted it the day that he wrote about his stalker on his blog. I was very hurt by that.

    I know that i have done several things wrong + have been guilty of not letting go.

    But the friendship + connection i had once shared with that man was deep, special and personal. (I have seen much more than just the famularse - i have seen the whole package.)

    It has been very hard to let go + have to watch him getting flirty with lots of other lady bloggers ..... when a few months ago when he was busy emailing me 20 times a day he hardly looked at other blogs + only made few + infrequent comments.

    However i am really regretting having left even my first comment on your blog.

    If he sees these comments of mine he will become even more angry + he might then blog more about his 'stalker' + i dont want that

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  20. Ponita,

    Once you have read + understood my extra comment above, please please wd you kindly remove ALL my comments from both your blogs.

    I am regretting having left the first one + if he sees these comments of mine he might get angry.

    Please please delete my comments Ponita - i really dont want to embarrass myself any more .... nor to find that he goes + embarrasses + humiliates me on his blog.

    Please delete.

    Thanks.

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