The end of September saw the introduction of someone new to my life. It is now November, and I am patiently waiting, to know what potential this new person may have.
Our lives have parallelled in a number of ways, at a number of times. We have an understanding, a very good one, of where we have each been, what we have gone through. Not just past experiences in relationships, the parallels also reach into activities and interests.
We are alike in many ways, in personality traits, in beliefs, in needs and desires. I do not know at this time if those likenesses are a good thing. Only time will be able to ascertain that. But it does make him feel like a kindred spirit. Will that create a stronger bond? Or only serve to show that sameness is not the best thing.
He is stretched thin right now.... at a time when changes swirl all around him. He has four children, two of whom are very young and require more attention and patience than the older, adult two. But he loves them all dearly - they are his life in a big way. He also has a difficult ex to deal with, her mental illness issues to circumvent to lessen the effect on the little ones.
Add to this, a fulltime compressed college curriculum entirely sponsored by his employer. He applies himself with great fervor and his marks tell the tale of intelligence, drive and responsibility. For completion of this course will further his career.
Then there is me. There is the attraction I feel for him, the affinity that exists. We have spent enough time together, over the past six weeks, for me to know I want to take this to the next level. I want to see what could happen. I have not felt this for quite some time now, and would savour the opportunity to let someone into my heart.
Only he is taking time, over this weekend, to re-evaluate himself, to see where he needs to go, to try and rejuvenate from the burn-out he is feeling. The candle has been burned at both ends for the past couple of months for him and he is feeling quite singed.
I do not know where he will go with his re-evaluation.... I do not know whether that will preclude any furthering of what has just been started. Will he just need time to get through school, get back to the regular routine of work, kids and a social life? Will he feel the need to pull away, to put this aside and leave me where I stand, helpless to do anything but give him time and space?
There are emotions stirring in me for this man. But what we have experienced together so far has been to simply enjoy each other's company, talk and laugh, hang out a bit. It has been slow, which is probably a good thing, for my tendency is to proceed at the speed of light, with intensity and passion, letting the headrush and heartrush dictate where things go. He is much more cautious, wanting things to happen when he is sure about where he wants it to go, and not wanting to rush. It is important to him to be respectful, to not fly headlong into something he is not entirely sure of.
There is communication, spoken, written, all with openness and honesty, hesitation and uncertainty, all of which are building trust and caring between us. But his uncertainty in this, in how much he has taken on with work and school and kids, and now with the possibility of a new relationship added to the mix, all this creates uncertainty in me.
So I have to bide my time, to wait and see, to be there, where he can see me, but not be intrusive, be understanding and patient... waiting....